Toxic Relationships

Toxic relationships are certainly difficult to endure, and they leave you feeling like you’re gasping for air. Some people seem to go from one toxic relationship to another always caught in the drama wheel. That’s not what we want for anyone and hopefully this blog will help you get out.

A good working definition of a toxic relationship is, “ when the couple doesn’t support one another, and one seeks to undermine the other.” Certainly, disrespect and a lack of cohesiveness are part of the picture.

If this sounds like a relationship you’ve been in, consider the following commonalities.

• Controlling. Unhealthy relationships often have an element of control.
• Distrust. Often people distrust when there is no history of betrayal (which has many forms)
• Justifying your partner's behavior. Do you find yourself having to cover for your partners irrational behavior?
• Physical and verbal abuse. These behaviors are never permissible in a relationship. If this is part of your relationship, get out as fast as you can.
• Passive-Aggressive behavior. An inability for your partner to verbalize their feelings and in turn, they act out in indirect ways.
• Lying. Clearly, a relationship cannot withstand untruths.
• Scorekeeping. The idea is, “I did this for you, and what did I get?” Relationships do not last when people become emotional accountants.

Most of us know if we are in a toxic relationship. The problem is, for the most part, we don’t leave. I once had a therapist friend tell me, “ bad love is better than no love.” That’s the idea. People stay in unhealthy relationships because we are wired to attach and in their minds, “bad love is better than no love.” Clearly, this is irrational thinking and if you find yourself in this mindset we encourage you to challenge it. You are worthy of genuine love.

An emotionally healthy person will view being alone as far better than being in a toxic relationship. They are content with waiting and finding someone who will treat them well and accept them for who they are.

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, seek professional help and get out of the relationship as quickly as you can. You’ll be better off for it, and happiness in and with life will return to your countenance.

Chris Cambas, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist & Trainer, Relationship Expert, Co-Founder of CoupleStrong
CEO of National Marriage Seminars & The Practice Startup.