Eight Beliefs That Can Keep You From Love

Without the right attitude and beliefs, finding love will prove to be elusive. If you’ve been looking for love, but coming up short, it might be beneficial to examine your beliefs.

Your beliefs limit what you believe is possible. Your beliefs influence your actions. Think about your beliefs and consider how they impact your search for love.

Do you have these non-supportive beliefs? Change them to their positive counterpart:

1. I am not worthy. How did you come to this conclusion? If you’re consistently doing your best to live your life as well as you can, you deserve to be loved. If you’ve given up and moved into your mom’s basement, you need to step up your game! Everyone is worthy of love, but you still need to put in the effort.

        ◦ “I am worthy of being loved by someone wonderful.”

2. Everyone cheats. A lot of people cheat, but not everyone cheats. And even when people cheat, the relationship often survives. You can find someone that is very unlikely to cheat if you choose wisely.

        ◦ “I can find someone that believes that cheating is wrong.”

3. I don’t trust myself to choose the right person. Look to your past and decide what changes you need to make in your selection process. Everyone has made a few bad choices in this department, but you can do better the next time. Use your experience and be intelligent. You’ll be just fine.

        ◦ “I am a wise person that can attract the right person for me.”

4. Single life is better. Single life is better for some people. You might even be one of those people. However, if you believe this, you’re likely to stay single. It’s your choice.

        ◦ “I am excited about finding love and sharing my life with someone else.”

5. I’ll have to give up too much. Every relationship has pluses and minuses. You will have to make some compromises in a loving relationship. However, you can minimize those compromises by choosing someone who’s compatible with you. Find someone who fits into your life as it currently is.

        ◦ “A relationship will add more to my life than it detracts from it.”

6. A relationship will solve my loneliness issues. Relationships are lousy solutions to your personal issues. Resolve your challenges before you seek out a relationship.

        ◦ Imagine you had plenty of friends and were rarely lonely. Now imagine you’re all alone in the world. Do you think you’d pick the same partner in each of those situations? Would you even have access to the same person in both situations?

   ◦ “I refuse to use a relationship as a solution to the challenges in my life.”

7. All the good ones are taken. Many of them are. Unfortunately, the good ones that are taken tend to stay taken. But there’s always another good one out there looking for someone just like you.

        ◦ “There are plenty of good people out there just waiting for me.”

8. I can change someone else. You can barely change yourself. How are you going to change another person? Try changing someone and see what happens. You’re going to make the other person miserable. This isn’t a positive attitude to have if you want to find and keep love.

        ◦ “I can find someone to love that is wonderful just as they are.”

Are you looking for love? Have you considered that it might be your beliefs that are standing in the way?

Ineffective beliefs can limit your ability to find love, accumulate wealth, lose weight, or accomplish just about anything else. Your beliefs matter! Enhance the odds of success in your search for love by addressing your damaging beliefs.

Chris Cambas, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist & Trainer, Relationship Expert, Co-Founder of CoupleStrong
CEO of National Marriage Seminars & The Practice Startup.