Before The Honeymoon Ends, Read This

Are you concerned things aren't quite what they were in the beginning? It once felt like bliss, but now you are noticing things in your partner you never saw. Be of good cheer; this is nothing to fear. The end of the honeymoon phase, what some would call limerence, is a natural part of all relationships and provides an opportunity for long-term growth with your partner.

Know that you will be transitioning into what is known as the "power struggle." It's a period where couples shift from projecting positive qualities onto their partner to negative ones. It's important to understand that both phases, honeymoon and power struggle, are delusional. What we mean by that is this, your partner never was the perfect prince charming, nor is he satan. Both men and women are mere mortals, and in the power struggle, they have to confront this reality and work through it to the awareness stage.

In the awareness stage, we come to see each other for who we really are. Blaming stops, and we begin to ask ourselves simple questions like, "what part do I play in our struggles?" or "What's it like living with me?" This is a tremendous growth phase and brings the relationship, for the first time, into reality.

Here are a few tips for transitioning through each phase.

• Adjust expectations. The idea is simple, realize that during the honeymoon phase, you are being driven by powerful chemicals, what scientists call "the love cocktail." This phase can last up to two years. From the beginning, know that the honeymoon phase will come to an end.
• Be yourself from the beginning. Don't put on your best front, be who you are. By doing this you are much more likely to find someone who "accepts" you. All the science points to the fact people want to be accepted for who they are. You stand a far greater chance for lasting love by allowing your partner to get to know you truly.
• Don't avoid conflict. To keep everything "happy," couples will bypass conflict. They don't want to upset the apple cart. Part of every relationship is healthy conflict and is driven by differences in our personalities. It's perfectly normal to have disagreements.
• Get to know your partner. Ask probing questions to learn who your partner really is. Questions revolving personal beliefs, life experiences, and political and religious views to name a few.
• Learn your partner's life goals and help them to achieve them. All great couples adhere to this subscription. Remember, just because we are married or in a long-term relationship, it doesn't mean we give up on our dreams.
• Be willing to reveal yourself to your partner. This will require vulnerability which entails being emotionally open. Yes, it's scary to do that but if your relationship is going to thrive it's a must.

This is not an exhaustive list but one that will be helpful as your relationship transition. Remember, transitioning from one phase to the next is natural. We do not have to fear transition. We simply have to understand it and make the necessary course corrections. We are certain you can do this and are cheering you on.

Written by: Chris Cambas, LMFT, Certified Gottman Therapist & Trainer, Relationship Expert, Co-Founder of CoupleStrong
CEO of National Marriage Seminars & The Practice Startup.